In order to properly address marital disputes there cannot be a no escape clause mindset. To do so means that there is no way out of a bad situation and makes all the steps and strides an effort to keep the lovers together and makes no room for the unwillingness of one or more parties. If a wife is not being treated lovingly it is not her job to rekindle that issue but rather for her to learn to cope with it. We should be preparing the couple for the inevitable if that is the way Thoms are going. At the least it will give them some much needed space and cause them to miss one another. At the most it could save their marriage. And if they need an out from that marriage it speaks allot to the immaturity of the person/ the couple.
I think the main issue that congregations fail to see in this affair on affairs and divorce is that it’s not a matter of whether the believer is saved so much as an issue of maturity. We cannot just assume that the reason somebody doesn’t obey is because they are not saved. Fruit is fruit. They may just not be spiritually mature enough to be in a committed relationship and should be given a retrial and a stern telling.
To address secondary issues as though they are primary issues only creates a works based environment in the confines of church obedience and creates more sin than it buries. We are to obey out of our love for one another, the same rules apply in a marriage. If we do not love them we cannot abide in them; our loyalties will speak for themselves every time. I think that the church needs to stop trying to force obedience and teach obedience knowing that only God is going to be able to draw it out of us. I think allot of effort is put into preserving the faith and the beliefs of people who either stopped trying, have never had to try or have no intention on trying; all the while perfectly good Christians starve themselves for this kinda one on one.
If it is the will of God that a couple remains together we should allow God the full challenge of keeping them together instead of trying to fix the scales by creating some kind’ve obedience consolation prize. A couple that prays together stays together. But if they can’t you should probably start preparing the person who is going to be most hurt by helping them to disengage and to allow themselves to stop striving for a man who does not appreciate them. This does not need to lead to divorce but it may help them lead into the loveless marriage they are about to endure with more optimism. If you allow them to keep getting trampled on by holding onto an unrealistic dream of having their husbands back when all signs point to not you are victimizing them for the sake of your own ministry and self-righteousness. The fear of what people might think of your ministry is stupid, and anti-biblical. Housing sinners is not proper ministry, we are to expose sinners to the love of God, exposing them not to shame but for glory. Allowing people to fail gives God the chance to succeed where we may fail.
You should never let your motivation in ministry be whether or not you fail. It is God who succeeds is and it is God who allows us to fail. Our job is only to speak to the listener and to obey they commandments ourselves that others may follow. If we treat everything as an issue of salvation than we cannot address the issue of salvation anymore because it will make people insecure and will steal their peace.
We confront sins so that they don’t become an issue of salvation. But to err is not to be lost. The point is that turning away from a sin prevents a multitude of transgressions. You are altering sometimes destination. If we start trying to determine their destination we may unknowingly alter their course by assumptions a to where they are going.
If being committed to a vow leads into a multitude of sins that would otherwise be annulled would it not be better to correct the course upon that one sin rather than to spare that one have only to endure a lifetime of disillusionment, compromise and sorrow, all in attempts to appease our twisted sense of right from wrong. Glorifying God should not result in an increased pattern of transgression