In this world you will have trouble, be of good cheer for I have overcome the world.
Blessed are the poor in spirit. Blessed are the mournful, blessed are the persecuted and the meek and the merciful/ peacemakers. They shall inherit the earth. They shall be comforted. They shall be called the children of God for theirs is the kingdom of God andthe children of His mercy.
I have endured a great many trials as of late and have garnered much criticism and self analysis; in conclusion I find myself wiped and measured and found wanting. But blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness for they shall be filled.
There are times of necessity in our lives where God needs to play the role of destroyer and the source of our discomfort. But in those times we are to be encouraged and can find that those we’ve rallied around will reveal that they too have rallied around us also and have drawn from the well of our own faith.
I can honestly say that lately I have been feeling the pressures of being a complete and utter failure and have made all the mistakes and none of the right steps. Yet on the midst of all this I find amazement that this is not what my peers have been witness to. It is true to say that I have disturbed a share of those who’ve witnessed my failures and my behaviors. Some will never see past these faults because of their great prominence in my daily life. And yet in the midst of thati have been a champion in my faith for any who sought one and have been affirmed and encouraged to continue sharing my thoughts and my counsels and my art.
It should bother me that people would speak this will of me when the person I see is so distastefully wicked. I should not wish that any would rescue more or that any should draw counsel from me and yet they do. But this is the grace of God. Not that we speak will of God in the goodness alone but also during the difficulties. If I can find peace with God while I am aware of mu extremely deep flawedness than it gives testimony not to me who does wickedly but rather God who is found in my stead despite me. Knowing God brings repentance not the vast sum of our efforts.
The law is not for the righteous but rather for the ungodly and for the simner; the carnal mind cannot please God nor doesit desire to but goes after the things of the flesh. So all that I do of God is proof of His reality whereas all that I do in the flesh is proof of my limitations and my character flaws. But as the proverb states: Wickedness does not establish a man but the root of the righteous shall not be moved. Aka: progress shall not be hindered anymore than that wickedness shall reign until His returning. Paul exemplifies to us that fruitfulness and kingdom mindedness are the tells of our faith and not rather the degree of our failings and our wickedness.
I’ve recently learned that the degree of troubles and trials I’ve endured are not without the greatest of impact. That I am prone to fixate and to capitalize on my evilness and my deparavity and that this actually has a diverse effect. To undoubtedly regard oneself as being wicked, forsaken, cursed, lost and wounded actually makes you perceive yourself in such a radical light that you envelope that into your persona.
People who’ve been devastated so greatly that they are trapped in impercievably wicked cycles are prone to behave so as long as this belief is garnered. I believe this is why God first spoke to me not of faith but my beauty. He needed me to realize that I am not the wickedness that I try to envelope. We only do this because it’s what we expect that people expect of us.
If anyone spoke to me or about me the way I speak about and to and in regards to myself I would destroy them.
I wrote this today becausei was encouraged this week by several who have gleaned from my rootedness rather than my ill perception of myself. That my writings have always been good and have encouraged a man whom I very much look to as a proper example of faith.
We need to stop trying to live up to the standards of being good for the sake of our balance in badness. This is dumb and it limits is to what we are good at. Instead we need to simply do good because we are good and know that understanding Jesus means that we should not question this.
I would usually disclaimer this with a line about how we should not assume goodness and salvation but consider pur adhering to doctrine but in this matter that is already clear because I speak to those who are beloved and seeking.
I have no care to contend with foolishness as the application of many words expires in meaning as the persuading of men only testifies against faith and clarity. The unhearing will not hear unless they are meant to.
Listen to what people speak of you. Don’t ask them to do so as they will probably just drum up some failed and falsified account of flattery and nice words. But listen to them and to God. Pray about the hurtful words, they grieve is because it speaks of our failures. But guard yourself from the temptation to worry about these things. I spent years doing this and trying to make people stop seeing how messed up I was. All it did was make me more messed up because I was hiding who I really am.
Being light doesn’t only mean wearing or garbage but also burying it. To place trust that even though all we see is how much we fail or don’t fail that a different message is being communicated and that we are not pathetic to our peers and to our close and intimate relationships.
Yes! I am aware that some people are very radically disturbed by my tale. They have much reason to be, I’ve done some pretty messed up things. But if I keep going on about how I am depraved and disturbed and that I don’t feel saved I’m not trusting God. Even more than that I’m not allowing people to see for themselves who I am but rather bracing them to be disappointed in me.
Nobody is going to help someone who is openly wicked. Especially if it is so vastly emphasized. You will lack in empathy and in caring being consumed with your own personal quest for redemption and miss out on all the good things God had in store. You are good. Stop calling yourself evil, doing so only makes a liar of God who has said that He makes good of those things meant for evil for those who love Him. If you believe in God believe also in His promises. If He says He is making us good we have to believe in those words. Perhaps you are one of the few people who cannot see how good you really are and have become. Perhaps of you’d let people hear you speak well of yourself you’ll only increase in goodness.
The way we communicate affects the way we perceive us and sets the standard of what is to be expected. If we are constantly fixated on our weakness and failing or strength is diminished to the people around us and they will only ever perceive is as a product of our circumstances. Whereas if we draw emphasis rather on our goodness and wholeness we are peceived as being strong and capable and people will not feel badly for the inconsistency they see in us. Instead they will feel emboldened in being able to share their experiences without having to embellish in their sympathies and their pity for us.
The biggest effect of being victimized is being forced to embrace victimhood. If we allow that change to change the way we look at ourselves the impact is devastating. Overcome that victimizing experience and refuse to let it define you, no matter how prevalent and it will become clear that this victim is not us but rather is circumstance. In reality we identify with the perpetrators and convince ourselves we too are just as evil. This is not true of us or them. Both defrauded parties are suffering from being hurt. Both are coping not with positive reinforcement but rather choosing to remain lost when salvation only requires us to be found.
So be good to yourself and kinder still to others. In so doing you will be fpund to embody the goodness you seek rather than the evils you seek to overcome.